La tête enfouie dans mon écharpe. Le casque sur les oreilles, qui hurle une musique implosant dans ma tête. Tellement forte qu’elle en devient informe. Tellement forte que tout est flou. Tellement forte qu’elle invente une nouvelle norme de perception, qu’elle singe les effets d’une drogue fracassant mes synapses, cadençant mes pas, rétrécissant mon champ de vision, ralentissant le monde. Plus la musique est abrupte et empressée, plus la vie semble diluée. La foule ne se traduit plus que par une myriade de couleur, masse informe en constant frémissement, bouillonnant sous les objectifs pressés de chacun. Cris, remontrances, bavardages, ronchonnement, éclats de rire, rien ne peut percer cette carapace sonore semblant englober mon espace, ma route, et la cible brumeuse de cette balade. Les escaliers sont des paliers, les tunnels des sas, et le métro un simple moyen d’arriver plus vite à ses fins.
Etre bousculé ne m’extirpe même pas de cet état comateux. La musique hurle, mes oreilles se blessent, mes jambes s’engourdissent, mais je reste là, planté, tentant de trouver l’issue la plus proche, en évitant de m?arracher à ce mode automatique.
Perte d’équilibre, gouffre de silence s’ouvrant sous mes pieds, un Bip fracassant mes esgourdes sonne le glas de mon épopée musicale. Piles mortes, impossible de refaire démarrer la machine. A peine le temps d’écarquiller les yeux, de voir les contours se redessiner, de sentir pointer le brouhaha urbain qu’une oppression ancrée au plus profond de mon être refait surface : Un sifflement, ultime, renversant, écrasant, perle, s’agrippe, viole mon audition. En continu, persistant, acharné, constant. Le tapage sonore de l’attroupement de voyageurs permet d’étouffer un minimum le phénomène, mais ce sifflement est toujours là. Il s’installe en fond sonore, il s’immisce dans ta vie, dans tous les pores de ton être.
Cet acouphène rythme tout depuis quelques années. Ce son aigu, vécu comme un “après concert” qui ne s’arrête jamais. Il parasite les jours, les nuits. Les balades, les moments de repos, l’abandon, le travail. Il empêche de dormir, il empoisonne le sommeil, il étreint les sentiments. Dilue le bonheur, exploite la tristesse. Tu l’entends constamment, il parasite n’importe quel moment d’une vie. Les repas, les balades, les étreintes. Dès que l’on pleure, dès que l’on boit, dès que l’on court, dès que l’on souffle. Il s’impose comme tierce personne irrémédiablement, quand on s’affale dans le silence, quand on marche en regardant le soleil, quand on embrasse, quand on prend sa douche, quand on baise, quand on parle et dès que l’on se tait. L’impression de devoir constamment dealer avec une autorité qui ne dérange que toi, qui ne s’agrippe qu’à toi, qui n’étouffe que toi. Quand la belle t’enlace, elle te caresse, toi, et ton parasite. Jamais l’un sans l’autre. Une relation de couple dans le couple. Le silence devient une notion bien fallacieuse. Voir utopique. Tinnitus.
La seule façon de couvrir ce bruit, c’est de le dompter. A coup d’auto persuasion stérile, ou de médicaments divers, abêtissants et abrutissants. Mais dompter n’est pas effacer. Annihiler le parasite pendant une courte période, c’est devoir noyer ce dernier. Le noyer par le son, par la musique, par le bruit. Aller au cinéma, se balader dans une rue piétonne bondée, camper dans un stade. Ou écouter de la musique, casque vissé sur les oreilles. Sans trop abuser sur le volume, histoire de ne pas nourrir le parasite, et lui donner l’opportunité de prendre de l’ampleur, perspective qui se révélerait apocalyptique.
Vous imaginez donc la panique d’entendre la musique se dérober de la sorte, pour une histoire de piles. De simples piles qui vous rebalance violemment dans une réalité que l’on aurait bien évité encore quelques minutes.
Tenir la main de ce parasite, c’est se priver instantanément de sommeil. Ou choisir de s’assommer avec des produits chimiques. Les cernes s’installent, les joues se creusent, le dos se courbe, les journées s’allongent. On se transforme petit à petit en ersatz de camé. Un phénomène de Slow Motion étire la vie. Presque perdu, et bien décidé à recharger les batteries de mon discman, je tente de me frayer un chemin au milieu de la station Aloeswood. Mais la nuit quasi-blanche de la veille, couplée à une fatigue générale, n’arrange pas ma perception des choses. Le bruit du métro est ralenti à l’extrême par mes sens, et se transforme en une masse grondante, compacte. Les bruits de pas étouffés des passants agissent comme un métronome sourd dans ma tête. Seul le bruit d’un gaz lâché par un tuyau coupé, et des bruits métalliques assourdissant, permettent de m’extirper d’un enlisement certain, voir d’une perte totale de conscience. Je marche, je tâtonne presque, orphelin de ma musique, de mon cocon rassurant.
Escalier, air frais, les échos peuplant les tunnels du Subway s’éloignent. Première surprise : il pleut. La pluie, c’est encore le meilleur moyen d’étouffer le sifflement, quand la musique fait défaut. Ce lourd manteau liquide distille un semblant de bruit blanc apaisant, épousant parfaitement les tympans, pour prendre totalement la place du parasite. J’aime la pluie. Il pleut ! Je vais pouvoir m’oublier pour un petit moment encore. Deux solutions s’imposent alors : Allez au plus vite à mon Hotel, Chez Moi pour voir s’il me reste des piles, ou trouver un magasin dans les environs. Le risque de faire un aller-retour pour rien me pousse à m’enfoncer dans la ville. La place collée à la sortie du métro est impressionnante. Il fait nuit mais la luminosité est violente. Chaque parcelle, chaque centimètre carré des immeubles me faisant face sont bardés de lumières, de néons et d’écrans géants vomissant musiques et réclames hystériques. Pourtant, ce son ne parvient que faiblement à accrocher mes tympans, la pluie étouffant le tout. Je m’élance, et semble percevoir, au milieu des milliers de piétons, des joueurs de djembés, assis à même le sol, entre une statue canine et un espace fumeur. Toujours abasourdi, je laisse ma conscience étourdie par les médocs divaguer sur ce mélange rythmique de tambourin, de réminiscences métalliques provoquées par un zozo tapant sur le banc en fer, le tout toujours et constamment enveloppée de cette averse qui semble tomber sans jamais sourciller, se confondant graduellement en bruit blanc hypnotique.
Avec difficulté, je m’élance alors vers le passage piéton dantesque, fondant au milieu de cette myriade d’éclairages, de sons crachés par ces buildings en fusion, magma de lumières et de publicités. La pluie fait rage, je me glisse avec difficultés entre les ombrelles jetables tenues fermement par une rangée infinie de mains. Avec étonnement, un beat sourd, presque House, s’immisce dans mon cerveau. Je me fais violence, lève la tête, pour voir l’objet du délit. Agression de la rétine, l’écran géant lâche une énième campagne sur des lotions cosmétiques, le Body Sonic, bien connu de ces dames. Heureusement, les piaillements de la nymphette prêchant la peau douce ne parviennent pas à mes oreilles, et seul le rythme appuyé se taille un chemin au coeur de l’ondée.
“There will be Cloud Over the city tonight” m’avait lâché un pote en début d’après midi, tentant vainement de me faire sourire avec son accent hésitant, et connaissant mon attachement pour le mauvais temps. Il a eut le nez creux, pensais-je, en optant pour une petite rue tout aussi bardée de lumières. Les magasins où s’ébattent bon nombre de flâneurs tentant de se protéger de l’eau, laissent paraître des musiques électroniques plus ou moins hypnotiques, happant mon esprit.
Première escale, ce magasin ouvert 24h sur 24h. Mais une salle de jeu, entichée d’un énorme Into the Day en néon rose fluo, attire mon attention. Le bruit de billes s’entrechoquant par millions semble encore plus assourdissant qu’un ouragan. Etant complètement décalqué, cette masse de son se mue en véritable monstre, organisme de profondeurs insondables, à peine dérangé par les quelques pointes mélodiques lâchées par certaines bornes. Complètement embué par le son, limite asphyxié par le marasme ambiant décuplée par mon état complément lamentable, je préfère sortir à la hâte de cet enfer, préférant le rideau de pluie au mur de bruit. La parano me reprend, l’acouphène hurle durant la montée des marches, avant de tirer sa révérence une nouvelle fois, dès la première foulée en extérieur.
Superette investie, piles achetées, batterie remplacée, je presse frénétiquement le bouton play, attendant que la musique redémarre. Sans succés. Ce lecteur semble mort, définitivement atone, ayant lancé son chant du cygne dans le métro il y a une demi-heure. Il va falloir se résoudre à finir le chemin avec le casque dans la poche. La fatigue m’étreint soudainement. La nuit dernière se fait sentir, passée en grande partie à tenter d’escroquer le sommeil. Inconsciemment, j’ai continué à avancer. Le quartier se fait plus glauque, moins lumineux. Il me faut de toute façon passer par cette colline, raccourci évident pour rejoindre ma piaule.
Je m’essouffle. Mes sens s’embrouillent une nouvelle fois. Je m’adosse à un mur, attenant à ce qui semble être un club aux activités plus ou moins prohibées, au nom évocateur, le Red Light. Salon de massage bizarre, ou boite à striptease, il s’échappe de l’escalier en colimaçon une musique techno bien pute. Avec mon dos, presque drogué par la fatigue, je n’en perçois que les basses et les vibrations. Ce qui emplie mon âme, empoigne mes tympans, c’est cette pluie qui tombe sans discontinuer, qui se mue petit à petit en froissements épais, érigeant un édifice sonore abyssal. Les seuls sons de la rue qui me parviennent sont completement disloqués par des échos créés par mon esprit malade, transformant la contemplation de cette allée en véritable Dub visuel.
Les mains salies par le bitume, je m’escrime à divaguer dans les artères du coin, débouchant sur une avenue surprenante dans sa propension à n’être quasiment pas éclairée, dénuée de commerce et presque vide de piétons. Simple tube bétonné de part en part, animé par de faibles lampadaires, ce passage se laisse envahir par un vent assourdissant, passant en vague, se mêlant à la pluie pour me museler dans un Ultraviolet World inquiétant. Une aubaine, je ferme les yeux, écarte les bras, et laisse ce souffle cingler mon corps, en tentant de ne pas vaciller. En tendant l’oreille, une mélodie cristalline se fait entendre, semblant appeler au secours au milieu de ce tourbillon, comme si une église se nichait au plus profond de cette rafale bétonnée.
Presque hagard, je débouche sur un tout petit jardin, cachant entre ses branches un Temple prisonnier entre deux immeubles gigantesques. Un pied Techno perle de l’une des structures, pilonnant une atmosphère presque trop calme, occasion parfaite pour que mon parasite laisse échapper quelques sifflements entre deux accalmies. Complètement desséché, perdu dans mes pensés, tâtonnant dans le noir, je perds pied, le monde tourne autour de moi, vertiges. Un mal de tête déboule sans prévenir, dédoublant, triplant les réminiscences technoïdes perçues jusqu’alors, leur donnant presque une allure tribale. Les yeux écarquillés, le corps engourdi, je m’affale sur le sol, la tête dans un étau, l’envie de gerber se faisant tenace. Les acouphènes reviennent en force, m’obsèdent, m’assiégent, me brisent. J’en ai marre, j’abandonne. Perte de conscience, trou noir.
La circulation me tire de mon semi-coma. Il fait beau, le soleil est aveuglant. La sérénité du temple, petite encablure mystique au milieu de la jungle urbaine me touche, me rassure. It’s Morning Again, et une étrange sérénité s’empare de mon être. Même en me rendant compte que le lecteur a explosé sous mon poids, en dormant dessus. Complètement abruti, et brûlé par la luminosité, je me lève, respire, et profite de ce petit coin de paradis. L’esprit toujours embrouillé, l’effet de voir la vie défiler au ralenti toujours effectif, je perçois l’éveil de cette mégalopole comme un ensemble de sons cristallins, calmes et éthérés. Mon inconscient tire sûrement la sonnette d’alarme en me faisant entendre, distinctement, des anges chanter au loin, perdu dans des nappes apaisées, constituées de bruits de circulation et embrassé d’une brise matinale.
Il ne pleut plus, pourtant mon oreille est muette. Comme si, pour quelques secondes encore, le parasite s’était décidé à me laisser en paix, à reporter pour un instant son concert incessant, me laissant profiter de cette quiétude revenue.
Moi qui donnerai ma vie pour quelques secondes de silence, je me retrouve à espérer que ce moment s’étire à jamais, trouvant enfin l’apaisement dans le bruit de cette ville qui se réveille, après m’être enlisé vainement dans celle qui refuse de s’éteindre.
10 titres – Plop Records
Dat’
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Je crois que cet article est trop intelligent pour moi lol.
J’arrive pas à saisir si ton pb d’acouphène est un problème réel que tu vis réellement, où si tu écrit comme une “vision” de ce que te procure ce disque.
Dans les 2 cas, c’est de toute façon trés bien écrit, comme d’hab 😉
J’aime beaucoup tes chroniques, car souvent ce sont des groupes sur lesquels je suis tombé par hasard au détour d’une critique du web.
Et n’y connaissant pas grand chose ( dans le sens où j’arrive que très peu à discerner le bon du mauvais ), ça me permet d’étudier les groupes ^^
Donc là je m’écoute l’album :p
Moi je pense que l’acouphène est due à l’album, très flou il est vrai.
quel beau texte !!! quelle errance ! c’est poétique, subtile et poignant.
tu as trouvé les bonnes images, métaphores pour parler de ce cauchemar éveillé qu’est l’acouphène.
Erf c’est assez compliqué, le disque est vraiment un “ensemble”, difficile d’en degager un sans casser l’érrance, casser le trip du disque. Voir le trip du texte au dessus. Et le seul extrait mp3 que j’ai trouvé sur le net, c’est la moins bonne piste de l’album. Donc bon… ^^
Il valait mieux ne rien mettre, et laisser les aventuriers volontaires s’engouffrer dans le disque en son entier.
[…] se prendre. C’est tellement minimaliste et froid que l’on a l’impression d’écouter un Incense & Black Light de Rod Modell, avec les élucubrations d’une demoiselle camée en bonus. Car les deux disques […]
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Je crois que cet article est trop intelligent pour moi lol.
J’arrive pas à saisir si ton pb d’acouphène est un problème réel que tu vis réellement, où si tu écrit comme une “vision” de ce que te procure ce disque.
Dans les 2 cas, c’est de toute façon trés bien écrit, comme d’hab 😉
J’aime beaucoup tes chroniques, car souvent ce sont des groupes sur lesquels je suis tombé par hasard au détour d’une critique du web.
Et n’y connaissant pas grand chose ( dans le sens où j’arrive que très peu à discerner le bon du mauvais ), ça me permet d’étudier les groupes ^^
Donc là je m’écoute l’album :p
Moi je pense que l’acouphène est due à l’album, très flou il est vrai.
Hey non malheuresement, le postulat de depart sur l’acouph est bien réél, meme si le reste est evidemment issu d’un album parfait pour divaguer…
Mais ouaip, le disque est tres “brumeux” surtout à cause de cette pluie qui parcoure la quasi totalité de l’album.
quel beau texte !!! quelle errance ! c’est poétique, subtile et poignant.
tu as trouvé les bonnes images, métaphores pour parler de ce cauchemar éveillé qu’est l’acouphène.
Merci beaucoup, ça rassure de voir que je me suis pas vautré en traitant de ce sujet pas vraiment simple !^^
Ca faisait bien longtemps une chronique a la premiere personne. Trés bonne chronique en tout cas, tu sembla avoir été inspiré.
Dommage qu’il n’y ait pas de lien vers une ou deux musique pour mettre un son sur tes phrases.
Erf c’est assez compliqué, le disque est vraiment un “ensemble”, difficile d’en degager un sans casser l’érrance, casser le trip du disque. Voir le trip du texte au dessus. Et le seul extrait mp3 que j’ai trouvé sur le net, c’est la moins bonne piste de l’album. Donc bon… ^^
Il valait mieux ne rien mettre, et laisser les aventuriers volontaires s’engouffrer dans le disque en son entier.
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